The Dismissal of Mental Health by the Asian Community
Ad3lina
Mental health is an issue that is slowly being acknowledged by the general population. However, growing up with Asian parents, it’s not something that was ever discussed in my household. I can’t blame my parents for ignoring the importance of mental health, they didn’t grow up in an environment where it is prioritized and I doubt they knew what it meant until they came to America. However, that doesn’t mean that the general attitude toward mental health in the Asian community hasn’t negatively impacted me or my other first-generation Asian-Americans peers.
Growing up, studying and getting the best grades have always taken priority. This mindset has stuck with me, and often I can feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of pressure put on my shoulders. Having an older sibling who has excelled in their studies doesn’t help as I am always striving to be better, to live up to the expectations set by them. This constant need to do better, be better, achieve more, has taken a toll on my mental health along with that of many of my peers.
As in my case, this constant feeling of not being good enough and worthlessness culminated in an unhealthy way: I began to self-harm. I knew it was unhealthy but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt that I couldn’t talk to my family and I couldn’t stop and think when I picked up a pair of scissors.
I did this for a few weeks to a month until I told my sibling. They told my mom and things got better for a little while, they were kinder to me, more understanding. But before long I began to cut again. I thankfully managed to quit through a lot of help from some of my close friends. It took months, a lot of effort, and I relapsed many times, but I learned how to cope healthily, and how to change the way I reacted.
It has always astounded me that even when I was at such a low point, my family refused to acknowledge the impact of poor mental health on one’s life. They discouraged me from talking to my counselor and refused to get me a therapist. I was lucky that I managed to quit, but even writing this article is a little triggering. Some aren’t so lucky, they can’t talk to anyone, and this dismissal of mental health that is present in the Asian-American community is extremely damaging. I never cut with the intention of killing myself, but it is the first step for many and without the proper help, we lose our friends and peers far too soon.
Asian parents often have the mindset that it could never be them, they aren't too pushy, they just want their kids to succeed. Their kid would never feel like that, their kid doesn’t need help, their kid is just fine. Or even the comparisons to others. Why can’t you be better? Why can’t you be like your cousin or your family friend? Why can’t you be smarter? More driven? Work harder? But that mindset is what exacerbates mental health issues, that expectation of perfection that can never be reached no matter how hard you try.
Many Asian parents discredit mental health and their impact on their children’s unhappiness. They never discussed it when they were growing up and they don’t see why we should.