Crab Mentality
Sandy Nguyen
What is Crab Mentality?
When a crab in a bucket tries to escape, other crabs instinctively try to drag it back down. All the crabs can easily escape from the bucket, but instead, they grab and pull down each other in a competitive manner, preventing any of them from escaping. Similarly, many Asian cultures tend to promote this type of hindering behavior.
Through both an American and Asian culture, reinforced by our family and society, we’re taught to think that “there can only be one” successful Asian in the room and that we have to judge others or drag them down to feel better about ourselves; “success” becomes a relative term.
The motto associated with this mentality is, “if I can’t have it, neither can you”.
Abrugar (2014) listed signs that a person has a crab mentality, two of which are: 1) people who tend to be too proud of themselves and treat others as inferior beings; and 2) when individuals are full of positivity for themselves and full of negativity for others.
This mentality is an ongoing problem that many of us recognize in our Asian families. Some cultures even have words labeling this sort of behavior; for example, Filipinos may refer to this as the “talangka” mentality. As many of us know, Asian children may struggle with their guardians using crab mentality paired with constantly comparing them to others and we’ve seen how competition is always fostered between siblings, cousins, etc. We share our successes, moments that we’re proud of, or things we see as accomplishments whether in school or our personal interests (maybe passing a test with a high score, winning a scholarship, getting a promotion), but oftentimes we may be met with comments that imply we could have done better or that someone else has done more than us. On the other hand, some of us may even be guilty of the impulse to “one-up” someone else and prove that our accomplishments are better. This makes it difficult for us to want to try new things, improve ourselves, or even talk about our successes out of fear of criticism or the fear that we’re not meeting someone else’s expectations of us.
Concerning the model minority myth, we receive messages from society that only a certain amount of Asians can take up space, and that we have to be “exceptional” and above others to be accepted or validated.
Signs of Crab Mentality
Immediately offering unwanted criticism/negative comments after someone is successful
Inability to offer praise or congratulations in response to someone else’s success
Lack of compassion when others are struggling
Feeling threatened when others are growing and achieving their goals
Gossiping about someone’s mistakes or failures to others
Feelings of envy or hostility, wishing ill will on others
Comments Often Made by Family, Friends, or Ourselves
“Well you didn’t get a 4.0”
“How come your cousin got a full-ride scholarship and you didn’t?”
“You’re not going to make money with a Ph.D. if it’s not in medicine”
There are many impacts that the crab mentality has on our mental health. Many of us experience feelings of unworthiness, overworking and overproducing, low self-esteem and confidence, disturbances to emotions, anxiety, and fear of failure. With the crab mentality also comes the need to be in competition with others as well as constant comparisons, making it challenging to build relationships with others and celebrate their successes. We can see how the inability to accept our losses and show humility also leads us to become our own harshest critics.
We need to learn to work together and uplift each other because, truthfully, there is enough room for all of us to be successful. Crab mentality in our families and societies falsely convinces us that there are not enough resources (money, jobs, happiness, love, etc.). Letting go of the crab mentality also makes us more humble and helps us handle our losses and mistakes better. We have to learn to eliminate these toxic traits by practicing a growth mindset, appreciating our own strengths, and recognizing that others have strengths too.