My Advice for Giving Emotional Support
Jaiyoun Choi
As an Asian American, I’ve seen a lot of my peers struggle to express their emotions to friends and family due to the stigma and restrictiveness of Asian culture. Because of this, many Asians tend to not think about their emotional health when compared to other ethnic groups. However, I believe that emotional support is important to everyone, no matter who they are.
Providing such support is crucial because it helps reinforce emotional health, which involves how well someone can acknowledge and control their emotions. When someone is emotionally healthy, they will be able to proficiently cope with or share their feelings. From my experience, I realized that many of my Asian peers have either shied away from sharing how they feel or are constantly irritated by their emotions. The overarching issue is that many haven’t considered how to be in control of their emotions and why; having good emotional awareness and health can help you tackle those feelings in the future, reducing the perceived stress that emotions can foster.
However, it can often be difficult for many people to cope alone. That is why emotional support is important to give to others, whoever that person may be. The problem that I see pretty often, especially within Asian communities and families, is that many people don’t know how to properly support someone emotionally. So, I want to share what both I, personally, and research, has found to be useful.
First, if someone appears upset, the best thing to do is simply acknowledge it. I’ve seen that many Asian Americans tend to try to bottle up their emotions when upset until they are practically on the verge of exploding. Generally, it is very easy to tell when someone is upset; when they are, the best way for them to relieve their feelings is to vent. Once they start sharing their feelings, let them share as much as they are comfortable sharing.
Another very critical point is to avoid providing advice unless asked to. Research has demonstrated that providing unwarranted advice tends to backfire because it implies that we think they are incapable of solving their dilemma on their own. Instead, show explicit validation- express to the person that you understand how they are feeling and that you care. Once they feel safe, it is good to show that you are listening by expressing immediacy behaviors. These behaviors include anything that makes people feel recognized, cared for, and supported. Immediacy behaviors can be simple as orienting your body towards the individual, keeping eye contact, or to show active listening behaviors (for example, nodding or verbal acknowledgment of what they’ve said).
Long story short, the best way to emotionally support someone, is to simply listen. Due to the stigma surrounding mental and emotional health in Asian communities, I see a lot of people who aren’t willing to share their emotions, while others do not provide proper emotional support and wave off others' complaints. Once we can effectively provide such support, we can eliminate both problems all at once. Besides, research has shown that emotional and social support is a great protective factor against suicidal ideation (having serious consideration of suicide) and that emotional health is strongly linked to overall health. That is why I believe emotional support is so important. In the future, I hope that the Asian community can become more comfortable at sharing their emotions as well as supporting others who need to alleviate emotional stress.